Children are born helpless and dependent on their parents and this is absolutely normal. And when the child has grown up, he at physical and psychological level can quite do some things independently: walking, running, using cutlery, washing, dressing. It often happens that children do not always want to do this.
There are only two ways to guide parents who want to teach their child to be independent.
Method one: "Teach a child to do everything on their own".This rule is the key. Children are born absolutely without skills, they have only unconditioned reflexes. The child acquires and assimilates all the skills, interacting with the parents. Children learn what to do with these or other objects, watching how these items are used by adults.
An important point is that parents act not only as mentors, but also as assistants to their child, participating in a joint action. Children need that adults cooperate with them in their affairs, help in difficult moments, encourage and praise. Parents should
Ability to accurately fold toys, remove after themselves - an important time that the child became independent. If he is accustomed to a neat cleaning of his toys, he will be able to remember that ordering the house is as important as, for example, eating. When the house is in its place, dust and clean dishes are removed, and the whole family is cleaning, the child will begin to appreciate the order, because the parents showed that they also treasure the order.
The second way: "Do not do what the child can do on his own".With a task that is feasible for his age, the child can cope himself, if there is a desire.
From 1 year to 3 years, children are experiencing a particularly important time in their lives. For 2 years they make a big leap in development. Children learn to do everything themselves: dress, cope with shoelaces on shoes, eat with a spoon, wash, etc. But not always they succeed. If at these stages the child's hands "drop," then it will only be more difficult to get used to independence.
Everything can be spoiled by parents themselves. Hurrying somewhere, they themselves do for the child what he does not go out to be quickly and accurately. In addition, between the cases, the parents can tell what kind of sprawl( slovenly, slack, lazy, etc.) their child. Such behavior of parents forms many complexes in children and can cause a serious psychological problem.
Another extreme, in which the parents fall is the position "Do it yourself, you are already great!".But a small child does not yet have the quality of laziness, therefore, he can not do something right not because he does not want to, but because he simply can not cope with the task.
You can give the child the right to choose, but within certain limits. For example, to offer him not "Would you like to lay down the toys?", But "Do you want to lay down toys right now, or after walking on the street?".In the first variant, in fact, there is no choice. Even if the child does not want to remove the toys, he will be forced to do it. He is at a loss, but why ask such a question? It should be emphasized that the second method involves cleaning toys at any outcome, but the child himself decides when it will be convenient for him to do this. In this way he feels that his opinion is considered, his desires matter.
In order to teach children independence, it is necessary to let them know that any actions entail their consequences, namely, the child depends on what they turn out to be. That's why you do not need to pick out straws from children when they try to eat it with porridge. They themselves will understand that this is very inconvenient. Making independent actions, children learn not to be afraid of making mistakes.
If a child with something does not cope on his own, then do not be upset. He can throw shoes that can not be dressed, throw clothes and shout loudly. Parents should teach the child to seek help correctly, for example, saying the phrase: "Help me please!".But, do not immediately run to do everything for him. First you need to give him the opportunity to figure out yourself, only slightly push him to it. It is possible to show the child how to match buttons with buttons, fastening only one, and then let him try to do it himself. All the efforts of your child must be praised.
Screaming, spanking a child, appealing to his conscience when parents try to teach him independence, is always not effective. Teaching children to be independent, it is necessary to be consistent and calm. The presence of self-confidence and the patience of parents will certainly help the child learn all the necessary skills.